Taking the Friendship Pledge

For the last two Sundays I’ve preached a sermon series called, “Welcoming Spiritual Refugees.” In the sermon I talked about a new reality in the wider culture. In the last twenty-five years, forty million people who used to attend worship at least once a month, now attend worship less than once a year. Chain of Lakes has had people attend our congregation who have had a bad experience in another church. Fortunately they’ve found a community here that will welcome and accept them no matter what their views.

I’m describing these people as “spiritual refugees” taking the term from Randy Dean who talks about this often. Check out his Facebook page to participate in his Sunday evening gathering.

As part of this sermon series I asked people at Chain of Lakes to take what I called, “the friendship pledge.” I wrote the friendship pledge. It is this:

“I will be friends with you no matter what your race, gender, sexual orientation political or religious beliefs. My agape love for you will transcend our differences.”

On two consecutive Sundays I asked people to take the pledge during worship. That worked well. 

You can watch the sermons by accessing the link to worship at colpres.org. 

I put the pledge on my Facebook page and encouraged people to take it. In the comments to my post, some in the comments had no problem taking the friendship pledge. Others reacted very strongly against it. I have no interest in misunderstanding their resistance. In general it seems that people would not be a friend with a racist or misogynist, that loving one’s enemy is different than being a friend with your enemy, that it wasn’t possible to be a friend with someone who doesn’t recognize the imago dei; that it wasn’t possible to be a friend with someone who is ignorant; that being friends with our enemies makes the church acquiescent to the established order; that being friends with a Trump supporter is not possible. And if I missed a comment, put your comment in the comments section to this blog.

I have more thoughts about this than can go into one blog.

Two significant people who have influenced the way I look at the word are Jesus and Martin Luther King Jr. I believe Jesus would support the friendship pledge. Jesus was willing to forgive the people who murdered him; he encouraged people to love their enemies; he was willing to confront people in power with the power of agape love. I believe Dr. King would support the friendship pledge. Dr. King’s teaching of agape love was a significant factor in the success of ending racial discrimination in the south. Certainly racial discrimination didn’t end when Dr. King was murdered and still exists today. But Dr. King’s success comes back to his teaching on agape love. His idea of appealing to people’s heart in resisting their policies through non-violent resistance is something our country still needs today.

Can I be friends with someone who is racist and misogynist? Yes. This doesn’t mean I tolerate their behaviors and keep my mouth shut when they spew hate. I'm not going to put myself in physical danger, but I’m willing to be a friend.

If we only love people who look like us, act like us, vote like us, behave like us, then we’re going to accentuate the tribalism that is harming our culture.

Does living by agape love make me vanilla nice, that is do I acquiesce to values that are unacceptable. No. Because Dr. King and Jesus never acquiesced to values that they found unacceptable. I doubt that anyone would say that either was vanilla nice.

Can I be a friend with someone who spews hate or has acted out hate? Yes. I would never visit a prison if I couldn't be a friend with someone who has acted out in hate. 

Is loving our enemy different than being a friend? First I have a hard time thinking that someone who votes or behaves differently than me is my enemy. I don’t have enemies. No one is trying to harm me or overpower me. I am not trying to defeat anyone. When Jesus taught in the sermon on the Mount to love one’s enemies the English word love comes from a form of the Greek word, agape.   Jesus called his followers to share agape love with those who are enemies. I believed he did this because he wanted his followers to appeal out of love to their enemy's heart. 

Martin Luther King Jr. understood this. His method of non-violent resistance was not weak or vanilla. It changed the world. I think he would have been willing to be friends with Bull Conner or George Wallace. Being a friend would not have meant he would have accepted their racism. But he was willing to be in relationship with them.

In a speech to the National Council of Churches Dr. King shared five facts about the power of agape love. The entire speech is here: The Christian Way of Life in Human Relations, Address Delivered at the General Assembly of the National Council of Churches | The Martin Luther King, Jr. Research and Education Institute (stanford.edu). In the second point he shared this.

“The second basic fact about this method [of agape love] is that it does not seek to defeat or humiliate the opponent, but to win his friendship and understanding. The nonviolent resister must often voice his protest through non-cooperation or boycotts, but he realizes that non-cooperation and boycotts are not ends within themselves, they are merely means to awaken the sense of moral shame within the opponent. But the end is redemption. The end is reconciliation. The aftermath of nonviolence is the creation of the beloved community, while the aftermath of violence is tragic bitterness.”

I’m not willing to put myself in a tribe, lock the door, and say that anyone not in my tribe cannot be my friend. For the most part litmus tests lead to further division.  

Do I think that being a friend with a racist, misogynist, homophone is easy? Of course not. Is the purpose of my friendship to change the other person’s views? I would hope the person would change their views, but ultimately such change can only happen through the work of the Holy Spirit. And perhaps I could be an instrument of the Holy Spirit.

So, no, I’m not backing down from the Friendship Pledge. I encourage everyone to take it. I’m not bothered when people disagree with the ideas behind it. I’ll always side with the ways of Dr. King.